had a rough week. classes started, period started, and i got some bad news. ended up having a 2-day straight binge session :( i was able to snap myself out of it thankfully, and my weight didnt end up changing - literally it just stayed the same. better than it going up, but i really would like to commit back to my plan and see a downward trend again for next week. i really need to get better at coping with stress. i was aware those entire 2 days that what i was doing wasnt good for me, but i wasnt really able to stop myself either. it sounds silly but i might try meditation? it seems that stress is what usually makes me go overboard like that. anger and sadness i can deal with, but stress really just eats at me. funnily enough i have plenty of hobbies to throw myself into, but when im stressed out they arent as fun or distracting. it almost makes them feel more like work? i dont know if that makes sense or if anyoned even relate to that. going on a walk may also help better next time to clear my mind. ill give both those a try and see what sticks. id also LOVE to have an accountability buddy. i saw a server dedicated to BED, but i was too shy to actually join. i think id feel weird talking about such a sensitive thing with someone im not at least friends with? and on top of that, itd be weird to only hit that person up when im at my worst. but then at the same time i dont want to pester any family or friends either... oh well, im feeling better and i think ill do better from here on out. i really want to document the positives along with the negatives here. its important to aknowledge both! BED recovery and even just weight loss is not a linear downward trend. sometimes you drop a lot of weight, sometimes you plateau, sometimes your weight spikes back up. as long as the overall trend is in the right direction i dont think im failing. literally - i have an excel document i use to contrast a 1.5lb/week drop along with my weight loss. the line bounces up and down, but im on track. it was generally like this the last time i lost weight too, although i dropped a lot and very quickly. i didnt really have a lot of difficulty overall. i had a goal i desperately wanted to make reality and so i did. im really hoping i can get back into that groove, although slower this time. even though i think a stressful move and bad relationship was ultimately what sunk me back into bad habits, i did notice i had some unrealistic expectations when i lost weight before. i remember after losing weight i was really disappointed with the way i looked, the fact i had some loose skin, and my size in clothing. i didnt like that i still had a bit of a belly and that i wasnt an airbrushed model, but i can understand now that its just to be expected. ive looked at a lot of weight loss transformations and the fact is that you either gotta have some genetics in overdrive or youve gotten surgery if you dont end up with some awkward flab, loose skin, and faded stretch marks. ive gotten to the point where id rather have a bit of loose skin and be awkwardly inbetween sizes than morbidly obese and on my way to an early grave. i wanna fix this while im still young so i can hopefully live a long and happy life.